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New Yanqui Plot Stuns Chavez

The latest news from Argentina reveals that the Yanquis are even more cunning and ruthless than Venezuela’s Grand Bolivarian Leaderissimo suspected.

Readers will remember that late last year Hugo Chavez called the US out on its clever plot to decimate the Latin leftie leadership by giving cancer to Latin American leaders who stood up for their heroic peoples against the evil colossus of the north.

Now it turns out the plot was more twisted, more evil than even the profound and sagacious mind of Hugo Chavez could fathom. Argentina’s president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner turns out to be cancer free. Doctors operating on what was thought to be her thyroid cancer found no trace of the disease.

The imperialist plot now lies exposed in all its sick glory. First, Yanqui secret agents infected many Latin leftie leaders with their top secret cancer causing agents. Then, they gave President Fernández something that looked enough like cancer to fool her doctors. This of course caused President Chavez to denounce the plot — only to look like a loon and a goose when, inevitably, the Argentine president was found to be cancer-free.

Chavez’ mistake is clear. The honesty and purity of his own character, that of a man who has dedicated his life to the simple quest for justice for the poor, prevents him from fully assessing the twisted depths of the perverse imperialist psyche. In future, he must dig deeper, think harder and above all, imagine more creatively if he is to unmask the dozens, nay hundreds of Yanqui plots being launched at his revolution every minute of every day.

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  • SF Dude

    It’s all so confusing. But, don’t worry: Sean Penn soon will be publishing a piece in The Nation to clarify: “On my Knees for Hugo: [amusing remark in questionable taste deleted -ed].”

  • Albert

    It is even worse than that!

    The Yanqui devils realizing that the Grand Bolivarian Leaderissimo had exposed their twisted plot INSTANTLY REVERSED the Argentine president’s cancer!!

  • a nissen

    Undoubtedly never far back in Chavez’s mind are all the South American disappearances during the rolling bouts of “opening free markets”—selfish gene/survival of the fittest style across that continent, and then the world.

    Heckling him is rather petty. Add to that legacy the advanced state of saber-rattling, and you’d sound ultra paranoid at times too.

  • Kris

    nissen@3: “Heckling him is rather petty.”

    Possibly, but I am not yet able to adopt my preferred attitude of letting him rest in peace.

  • Jacksonian Libertarian

    Te He He, he snickers malevolently, “The clueless Latinos will never understand the full scope of our nefarious plans, it is not by chance that we dominate the world.”

  • Toni

    But do the Venezuelans still believe this and other excuses for his economic failures and the country’s rising violence?

    Somewhere (the Atlantic? Economist?) I read that Caracas is the hemiphere’s murder capital, its murder rate exceeded only by gang-controlled San Salvador.

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